The interview was over.  I watched the young Diane Keaton look-alike as she wrapped up her radio talk show with an adroit assessment of my book, Joseph. She was, and is, reputed to be one of the hottest names in radio, and though she's young she's already won several prestigious awards.  She is also Jewish, bright, and very articulate.
     I
loved the interview.  Her sharp, penetrating questions and her complete grasp of Joseph's character told me that she, unlike many Christian broadcasters, had actually read Joseph from cover to cover.  I was impressed!
     After she had given a final nod to the engineer, she picked up her notes and asked, more out of politeness than anything else, "Now that Joseph is out, I suppose you'll be doing another book..."
     I nodded yes.
     "On what?" she asked casually.
     "On your irregular person."
     "Irregular?"  She looked at me quizzically.
     "Yes, that person in your life who really bugs you to death."
     She digested that for a split second, and then dismissed it as an unimportant book by saying, "But don't you think life is full of those irregular kinds of people?  There's this guy here at the station..." she gestured with her hands, and I understood.  "There's the clerk in some store, or the freeway driver.  They all bug us to death.  We are surrounded by that kind of person..."  Her voice trailed off and implied that she didn't think I'd have a whole lot to say about irregular people, because we are simply living in a world where we are stuck with them. The look in her very pert, brown eyes also suggested that she was wondering why anybody would take the time and energy to bother with what was merely a fact of life.
     "That's not exactly who I mean," I volunteered.  "The irregular person I'm talking about is a person you are related to - like your parents, a brother, sister, cousin, uncle, aunt, or even in-laws.  And, in some cases, even a husband or a wife."
     Abruptly she stopped shuffling papers, leaned across the table, and said intently, "I see.  Well, let me tell you, when that book is out, please come back for an interview - nobody ever talks about that person!"
     Then, even though both our day's schedules were already frantically jammed, we stayed for another half-hour and talked about her person.
     Most everyone has at least one person in their life who truly makes living one continuous pain in the derriere.  What heightens the pain is that this person is not a mere acquaintance of ours.  No, unfortunately it is more complicated than that, for we are related to them, either by birth or marriage.
     Some of you may not have any relative who regularly rains on your life's parade, but others - and you have my undying and sympathetic support - are blessed with not one, but two or three such persons.
     However, as I told the young woman at the radio station, it is important to explain who I am not talking about before we move on.
     I'm certainly not referring to the countless number of human beings who cross our paths in our jobs, our neighborhoods, our stores, our towns, or on our highways and byways.  I'm not even talking about those who intermittently and temporarily irritate and exasperate us, who occasionally frustrate our lives and play havoc with our frazzled emotions.  Those people are transient, and they weave in and out of our lives on a very limited basis.  They are best known for the moments when they give us a short, limited pain in our necks.  Here are some examples of the kind of person who bugs us in a limited way:

 

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The arrogant man who parks in the space for the handicapped at the shopping center, because the laws and rules were made for other people to obey.

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The older lady at the airport who pushes herself in front of you and eighty-nine others as you wait for your seat assignments and boarding passes.

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The inconsiderate driver who weaves in and out of traffic, jeopardizing his (and everyone else's) safety.

The teacher or professor who regularly and almost gleefully points out your total of incorrect answers while adroitly assassinating your character and personhood.

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The insensitive pastor who tells you to "cheer up, because things could be worse," right after you've told him your life is the pits.

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The people who call themselves your friends but who rarely ever say an encouraging word to you.

 

You could probably add to my list of temporarily irregular people, but all of them have this one thing in common - - - your relationship with them can be terminated in one way or another.  You have a choice:
 

You can call the police on the illegally parked person, make a citizen's arrest, or go do your shopping.

You can be as rude as the old lady at the airport, and push her out of line.  Or you can stand there, tuck the experience into the back burner of your mind, and remember it so you won't do that when you're her age.

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You can watch for that wild and crazy driver the next time you travel that route, or you can accept the fact that you may never see that particular offender again, and make sure that you drive safely and defensively.

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You can be transferred to another class with a different teacher, or better yet, you can graduate from that school and get away from the whole mess.

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You can have a confrontation with your pastor, seek out another more spiritually mature pastor, or you can even begin the search for a new church.

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As for your friends, you can lovingly confront them with the conflicts, acknowledging where you stand, or you can simply stop inviting them to lunch, stop sending birthday presents, and terminate the relationships.
 

     I'm certainly not suggesting here that these alternatives offer any instant cures.  There are no painless answers that will magically unravel life's knots.  But, the point is, there are several alternatives open in dealing with people who temporarily and only occasionally interrupt the flow of our lives.  Not so with those   who are related to us.  They are a permanent part of our lives.
     Holidays, birthdays, funerals, the birth or christening of a baby, weddings, showers, and family reunions all bring home the fact that coping and accepting the irregular person or persons in our lives is one of the most exasperating tasks of our existence.  As a friend put it, "Holidays...what are they?  Pain and to be dreaded!"
     While I don't have specific documentation, I am convinced that one of the major contributing factors to the high suicide rate immediately after the Christmas holidays is that families have been "together."  Once more, new wounds are made, old ones are opened up, and the scars continue to remain unhealed.
     As a friend declared in January of this year, "Well, this past Christmas both my wife's parents and mine came to our house for dinner...The remarkable thing is that we are still a family.  Our children came through, our marriage held together, and somehow we all survived another 'happy holiday'...but just barely."
     If you are one of those rare people who do not have such an irregular person, then thank the Lord this moment.  You are like angels' visits - few and far between.  But even if you don't relate to what I'm writing at this moment, please continue to read.  There is always the possibility that you, without knowing it, are someone else's irregular person.  And while you might not have an irregular person, I can guarantee you that someone in your family does - and for their sake, if not yours, you need to become aware of this almost invisible closet problem.  Who knows?  Maybe you will be the heaven-sent person in your family to bring about a much-needed, long-sought-after reconciliation between various members of your family.
     Or perhaps you will be like the woman who, due to being recently graduated from college with big bills and small income, was financially unable to attend a day-long seminar of mine.  When a generous friend paid her way, she told me later she felt excited in going, because she knew God had something very special for her to learn.
     The young woman had a delayed reaction to the seminar, especially to "Irregular People," as I spoke on this topic that day.  Six months later she wrote:
 

     On that Saturday, I was very impressed with your statement, "God doesn't make mistakes."  It really helped me to give up some feelings as God wanted me to.  However, at the time, I really didn't see how the main thrust of your message applied to me.
     You spoke that afternoon about dealing with people (mostly relatives) with whom we just don't get along.  I didn't see that I had any of those people in my life.
     It wasn't until a month or so later that I realized God had been preparing me for just that sort of conflict.
     Always, in the past, I'd assumed total guilt for a certain relationship and in a particular situation, even though I didn't see a logical reason to do so.
     Now, I see, we are two people.  We don't have to agree.
     Also, I've finally been able to commit the situation to God.  The Lord is making such a difference in my life.  It just hit me that this wonderful change in my Christian life began with that seminar that God brought me to so wonderfully, and with a message I didn't really understand at the time.
     I just wanted you to know how the Lord used you to help me, so that you might share in my praise to Him.
 

     I admit that for a number of years I didn't think anyone but me had experienced this kind of complicated and painful relationship with a person in their family.  Then, at the height of my frustration, when I was filled with anger and feelings of guilt, I began whispering a question to a few close friends, "Do you have anyone in your family who truly bugs you?"
     Very quickly, from all sorts of friends and family, the response was whispered back: "Yes!  I do!  You, too?"
    
I also never knew what to call my person.  Because, as I have already said, my intention in lecturing or writing about this person was not to hurt or embarrass anyone.  Each time I referred to him, I desperately needed a method of identification.  I didn't know what to call anyone's person, much less mine, until I saw a television movie.
     This story, written by Bette Greene in her award-winning book (which I read long after I'd seen the film) was entitled Summer of My German Soldier.  It was the author's own story, and the events portrayed occurred in the early 1940's.
     Since I was only about ten years old at the time of the Second World War, I was unaware of the fact that small groups of German soldiers were brought to several southern states and put into internment camps.  This forcefully written movie concerns itself with one of those groups who were brought to a small town in Arkansas.  The drama centers around the German prisoner who escapes and is accidentally discovered by a twelve-year-old girl named Patty Bergen.  She is the daughter of a Jewish couple who own the local dry goods store.
     Patty befriends the boy and hides him in a small playroom above her father's unused barn.  She tells no one that he is there.
     As the days go on, a friendship/love relationship begins to develop between the two young people, even though they are from very different worlds.  Patty is newly awakened to the almost unbelievable thought that somebody in this world of hers really thinks she's valuable.  Somebody acts as if he actually likes her as a person!  You become aware, as the story unfolds, that perhaps she has never been given or even had parental approval or acceptance.
     The film depicts Patty's mother as being somewhat insipid, like a lukewarm cup of tea.  She seems to have no opinions or direction in her life, and the only affection she shows is directed at Patty's younger sister, Sharon.  The mother seems to be neither strong nor weak - she just appears to have lost the lemon and sugar of her life.
     But the father is depicted in quite another way.  He is a kaleidoscope of conflicting emotions - hot, freezing, and then back to warm, even loving.  Unlike most television portrayals which paint their characters all black or all white, this film gives the father many shades of gray.  Sometimes Patty's father is with her on an issue - he's loyal and supportive.  Other times he seems completely insensitive to her needs.  Occasionally, he is given to beating her with his belt.  For a while, I couldn't decide whether he was a hero or a villain, and since that is too true of people in real life, I found the character portrait simply fascinating.
     At the same time, though, I was beginning to experience some emotional discomfort of my own, because I know people do have parents like this.  I know of many people who are not all bad, but at times - especially when their acceptance is needed the most - they simply become invisible, or their reaction to a situation is very abnormal or wildly bizarre.  So I began to really listen for whatever message this TV movie had to offer.
     Near the end of the story, the German boy realizes that the F.B.I. is getting very close to discovering his hideout at Patty's home.  So he leaves one night in the hope that she will not be implicated or brought up on charges for harboring a prisoner of war.  But as he is fleeing for his life, the F.B.I. catches up with him and kills him.
     Earlier in the story, Patty has given the boy her father's monogrammed shirt to wear instead of his prison shirt.  It is this same white shirt, now torn and bloodied by a bullet wound, that the F.B.I. traces, in the early hours of the morning, to the Bergen house.
     The film's scene that begins to take hold of the jugular vein opens as Mr. and Mrs. Bergen and the F.B.I. agents come into Patty's bedroom.  She is awakened from a sound sleep by an agent who throws the boy's bloodied shirt on her bed and begins questioning her.
     Instantly Patty's face registers the whole story.  She knows now that he is dead.  The shirt with the bullet hole and the blood is in front of her, and it's definitely the one she gave him.
     Patty goes into shock.  Her father comes unglued.  He is not about to believe that his daughter could be a part of this.  Yet the evidence is crushingly overwhelming.  He begins to realize she is guilty but, while the F.B.I. agents are there, he controls his emotions.
     On the following day, however, Patty stays in her room, refusing to come downstairs.  And the scene that will remain very clear in my soul for a long time to come begins to unfold.     
     Patty's father comes into her bedroom and makes some genial small talk.  He tells her that it would be polite for her to let her mother know if she's coming downstairs for lunch or not, and then he begins to verbalize what he has really come upstairs to say.
     He tells her that he has already spoken with a lawyer who will represent her if there is a trial.  But at the same time he gives her some bit of assurance by telling her that the attorney doesn't believe she is "legally" a traitor.
     Patty doesn't say anything during this time.  She just continues to rock in her chair.  Then, very abruptly, her father turns toward her, and his whole face becomes a contorted mass of fury.  He directs a mounting tirade of words to his daughter in a voice choked by hatred.  Michael Constantine, the actor who played the part of the father, gave a superb and convincing performance as he proceeded to annihilate his daughter with a polluted stream of verbal abuse.
     He goes back in his memory to when Patty was born, and describes it as the saddest day of his life.  And then he recalls his own relationship with his mother - and how she had "plenty of love" for his father and brothers, but not any for him.  He tells Patty that she looks just like his mother, and that the resemblance showed even through the glass window in the nursery when Patty was born.  He goes on to tantalize her with something she never knew about when he drops the hint that he and her mother wouldn't even have had to get married if it hadn't been for her.
     Patty has stopped rocking by now, and she stares up at her father, trying to comprehend all that he is spewing out on her.  And then he snarls, "I knew right away when I saw you in the nursery that you hated me...but I never, not in all my dreams, thought you'd go this far.  You gave my shirt to that Nazi!"
     Although she's almost totally dazed, Patty reminds him that he hadn't even opened the shirt or taken out the packing pins, and she implies that he has a whole store full of shirts.
     The father ignores her remark and continues to pour out the vile and putrid memories of his bitter soul.  He speaks of the birth of her younger sister, Sharon, who was so "pale and pretty," and how, then, he had thought that maybe they could be a good family.  However, because Patty, even at birth, hated him so much, he can't stand to look at her.  He calls her a bad person, and then adds that because she is a Bergen he'll do his duty by her - what's called for.  He speaks of the fact that he knows he can't legally cleanse his hands of her, and that the law can't legally call her a traitor, but then he tells her she's done all she can to hurt him.  "A person can only stand so much.  A man can only try so hard for so long."  With complete bewilderment, Patty murmurs, "I never meant to hurt you."
     Now, as a rule, I don't generally go around talking to television sets or other inanimate objects.  But, I confess, I did that night.  The damaging, vile accusations the father laid on his young daughter brought me up out of my chair, and I shouted at our seventeen-inch screen with all my might, "Stop it!  Stop doing that to her!  Stop telling her those lies.!"
     The father didn't hear me, of course, so he finished off the scene.  I could feel the inner rage boiling in this man as he got nose to nose with his daughter to give her his ultimatum.  He pointed out that she would continue to live in his house until she was eighteen, and then, with his mouth curled in utter contempt and hatred, he growled, "But you...you are dead to me, girl!"
     The camera gave a close-up of Patty's face, and you could see the shattering of her whole being as she absorbed the full, forceful blow of her father's words.  You also felt that what you had just witnessed was a moment in two people's lives when one human being had just raped another human being's soul.  It seemed that nothing would ever be right again.
     Patty had been devastated - Humpty Dumpty had fallen off the wall!  The image of the famous nursery-rhyme character materialized in my thoughts, and I realized that in every drawing I've ever seen of him he was always portrayed as an egg.  I found myself wondering: Why an egg?  Why didn't the now long-gone artists draw Humpty Dumpty as a little elf, a horse, or even a cat?  Did they choose an egg to direct our attention to the fragility of life, or our sensitivity to easily shattered feelings, or our vulnerability to a fall?  I don't know, but then, and long after I'd watched this scene, the lines of Humpty Dumpty tumbled through my mind:
          Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall
          Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.
          All the king's horses and all the king's men
          Couldn't put Humpty Dumpty together again. 
     In the concluding scene of the movie, Patty runs from her home and the shattering encounter with her father.  She somehow manages to reach the black part of her town.  Patty finds Ruth's house and pushes open the screen door.
     Ruth is a large black woman.  She is the cook and housekeeper who had been fired some time before from the Bergen home because Ruth had defended Patty once too often.
     Patty rushes into the kitchen and stumbles into Ruth's open arms.  Ruth has heard that the boy is dead and, as she holds Patty in her arms, she strokes her hair and begins to comfort her, for she had known of Patty's feelings for the young German.  The gentle love which passes between them is sorely needed by Patty, and the scene is extremely touching.
     The girl asks Ruth if she thinks the boy really loved her.  Ruth assures her that he did, and confirms it by adding, "I seen it clear as the Christmas star!"
     Abruptly then, as she recalls one of her father's remarks, Patty questions, "How come my mother married my father?"
     Before Ruth answered, and in one split second as it were, a small flag raised up in my head and waved in the breezes of my mind.  Something whispered, "Listen up - you are going to hear something important."  I leaned forward.
     Instead of directly answering Patty's question, Ruth holds the girl at arm's length and says, "Now, here...when I goes shopping and I sees something marked 'irregular,' I knows that I ain't gonna have to pay so much for it.  Girl, you got yourself some irregular folks, and you've been paying top dollar for them all along.  So just don't go wastin' up you life wishin' for what ain't gonna be!"
     Then Patty, bewilderment and hurt all over her face, counters with what her father said.  "He said I was a bad person ever since the day I was born...and that I was a dead person, too."
     Ruth shakes her head and tells Patty that she isn't bad and she's definitely not dead.  She reminds the girl that the soldier knew it, and that she knows it, and she ends with, "An' I'm telling you, Miss Patty Bergen, we is the only ones that matter...cause we ain't irregular.   Now, you stand up straight!  You is a whole person...a creature of God and a thing that matters in this world.  Straighten up, girl,.  You got person-pride from this day on.  And I don't never wants see you slopin' your shoulders or your soul again.  Not ever!"
     By the time Patty leaves Ruth, her head is up, her posture straight, and the movie winds up as she walks slowly through the hostile town and heads for home.
     Although the screenplay has taken literary license with the book's story, the ending of this remarkable movie was simply and truthfully pointing out that most of us have an irregular person in our lives, and we must not lay the blame for our upbringing on this person.  We have to stop reliving the past.  But, most of all, we have to stop navel-gazing and spending inordinate amounts of time with daily introspection about our parents or family, and move on.
    
Some mothers, fathers, brothers, sisters, cousins, uncles, aunts, husbands, wives and in-law relatives are just irregular.  They don't act, react, speak, think or even write the way we would expect them to.
     More than one person has come to me after I have spoken on "Irregular People" and has said with obvious relief, "I never knew what to call my mother"..."I thought I was the only one in the world to have a father-in-law like mine."..."Thank you for telling me I'm not going insane - that I am regular and my sister is not"..."Today, I have a name for my father, and I finally am able to deal with him, now that I know he is irregular."
     It's the same kind of relief when, after weeks of testing or going to several medical specialists, they all agree on what is causing your illness.  You're not thrilled that the diagnosis is cancer, lupus, arthritis, or diabetes, but at least now you know its name, and you and your doctors can begin to take medical steps to deal with the problem.
     A woman who attended my seminar on "Irregular People" wrote:

Thanks for giving me a more acceptable word to describe those people.  Being a therapist, I have to diagnose from among 80 or so different categories of personality and character disorders.  It will be much more pleasant for me now when among my friends and acquaintances to mentally classify some as "irregular" rather than paranoid or schizoid, etc.

     We attach great significance to names and labels in our world today.  How well I know this.  When I'm autographing books, I ask for the person's first name and, believe me, it's woe unto me if I sign "To Linda" if the lady spells it "Lynda."  She wants the book signed to her - the person who is Lynda - not Linda.  I can readily understand this desire to call things and people by their proper names, for we live in a world which works hard at dissolving our original individuality.
     Learning from the Summer of My German Soldier that these people in our lives are our "irregular" ones brought an enormous sense of relief and a flow of tears which began a releasing process in my own life.  The identifying label helped me take my first tottering steps toward dealing with and accepting this person.
     The Summer of My German Soldier would never have touched my life the way it did if it had not been that I have had an irregular person for most all of my years.  But now, for the first time, because this film had given these people a name, I realized I was not the only one in the world with an irregular person.  I sensed the beginnings of a quiet awakening of hope.

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